Twist

Well I have no idea what this could mean. But it is beyond my control. The one thing I can do, is perhaps be a vehicle, a link. This is a complete twist of events.
You see, my boy hasn't been matched after all. It was bizarre how I came across this piece of information. I was minding my own little business having a short latte at St@rbux while hubby paid for groceries at C@rrefour. I was taking advantage of a little free wifi; checking Faceb00k when I see a post about a little girl that is so cute. I click on the link and BAM! I'm smacked in the face by a picture of my boy. The timing of such occurrence is what intrigues me the most (that's a-whole-nother post for sometime in the future). SIGH. So, I see my boy there - among so many other sweet children with also scary special needs. And I hyperventilate. My husband is walking towards me. Mila is saying "Tommy! Tommy!" and I'm saying "It's Tommy!!! What does this mean? What could this mean?????" For a month we've been thinking he's been matched with a family, God knows where. (Are they in Europe? US? Wheeerrreeee?????) I pretty much sounded like a mad woman. A quiet one though, but I wanted to shout. I was shouting on the inside.  Why is this happening? Why am I the one to find this out? No one in Chin@ knows this. What am I to do? Is this child meant for me? He's being presented to me on a silver platter. Will hubby see that too? Am I to pray harder? What am I to do? I need time. I tell my Angel in Ch1na. I know I'm supposed to tell his foster mom. But how? Should I let it be? She's heart-broken enough. I don't want to contribute to the roller-coaster ride of emotions. I needed a day. I finally told her, she deserves to know. Her feedback was polite and that she'd ask what's going on. (I just told her what's going on...) Oh well. Pray. Pray. Pray. I'm confused. My emotions are allover the place. So, like I said, everything else is beyond my control. The only thing I can do now for my sweet boy is advocate for him - hoping to find a perfect family for my perfect boy. How I wish we were it. If we are, then it's all in God's hands.
If you're reading this and want to know more, please send me a message at euefrufru at g mail dot com
Can you think of a perfect family for my boy? A boy whose paperwork looks very scary but in reality is just perfect?

A Year Ago...

I became a mom again. This time, to a 13 month old gorgeous baby boy. He would only live with me for a few months. But those were some of the most incredible, fulfilling months of my life.
A year ago, my heart doubled in size. So many emotions. For all of us. Given the chance, I'd do it allover again. Even knowing that my heart would be broken - shattered really when the time came to hand him over to someone else and the possibility of "losing" him forever.
I love you T! I always will. You changed me forever. I hope one day I can tell you how special you are and how much joy you brought to us. You were a baby brother to a little girl who loves you dearly. I am so proud of you. Everyday I know in my heart that you are the most wonderful, courageous little boy in the world.

Bittersweet Day

Actually, this just might be the saddest day of my life. I know I should be happy. And if I was a perfect human, I might just be. But I'm not. And right now I am grieving more than ever. I just found out that my sweet baby has been matched. I was praying that someday we would be his forever family. But I also prayed that whatever was best for my boy and for God's will to be done. But I have been sobbing and sobbing. And I'm scared for my boy. He will be so scared with that transition. He won't understand. But I will be praying for his heart. And for holy spirit to be with him. And for God to take him in his arms and help him transition over to the family that will love him forever. I pray that he feels an overwhelming calm and "knowing" that this is his family. I pray for my heart and that I am allowed to watch him grow. And to share with his family all the memories we created and all the pictures and videos; so they can this way have a piece of his life before them.
I love my sweet Tommy. My forever son. He will always be my boy.