Thursday, January 30, 2014

A Year Ago...

I became a mom again. This time, to a 13 month old gorgeous baby boy. He would only live with me for a few months. But those were some of the most incredible, fulfilling months of my life.
A year ago, my heart doubled in size. So many emotions. For all of us. Given the chance, I'd do it allover again. Even knowing that my heart would be broken - shattered really when the time came to hand him over to someone else and the possibility of "losing" him forever.
I love you T! I always will. You changed me forever. I hope one day I can tell you how special you are and how much joy you brought to us. You were a baby brother to a little girl who loves you dearly. I am so proud of you. Everyday I know in my heart that you are the most wonderful, courageous little boy in the world.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Bittersweet Day

Actually, this just might be the saddest day of my life. I know I should be happy. And if I was a perfect human, I might just be. But I'm not. And right now I am grieving more than ever. I just found out that my sweet baby has been matched. I was praying that someday we would be his forever family. But I also prayed that whatever was best for my boy and for God's will to be done. But I have been sobbing and sobbing. And I'm scared for my boy. He will be so scared with that transition. He won't understand. But I will be praying for his heart. And for holy spirit to be with him. And for God to take him in his arms and help him transition over to the family that will love him forever. I pray that he feels an overwhelming calm and "knowing" that this is his family. I pray for my heart and that I am allowed to watch him grow. And to share with his family all the memories we created and all the pictures and videos; so they can this way have a piece of his life before them.
I love my sweet Tommy. My forever son. He will always be my boy.