Friday, November 29, 2013

About a boy...

So I’ve decided to come out of blog hibernation.  I need to say this: I’ve been realizing for the past few days, but refused to admit until now that my precious boy has now officially been longer without me than with me. He’s been with his new foster family for longer than he’d been with us. It doesn’t get easier. I miss him every day. I am saddened every day for the past 5 months.  I grieve, I hope, I pray. Every day!
We lived in China for a year. I had the privilege of volunteering in a local orphanage. I worked with the most amazing, giving, selfless people. I made forever friendships. I was given the gift to care for my sweet baby for 5 months, a lifetime for a little one. He came to me at 13 months and at 18 months I had to hand him over. He went from being a baby to a toddler. And now he’s such a big boy. I love receiving updates, videos, and pictures. But nothing takes away the pain. We had to return to the UAE abruptly and I wasn’t ready. I don’t think I would ever be. How do you turn over your son to someone else? Even if that someone else is phenomenal? My little buddy and I were so bonded. We all miss him. Mila asks for “her baby” all the time. It kills me.
Out of respect for their privacy, we’re not supposed to post anything that reveals the children’s identification in respite care. So I refrained from writing at all. I felt odd writing without talking about something that was so important to me. But I didn’t want to jeopardize anything and so I just didn’t write at all. But now I’ve finally decided to put it out there. In hopes of healing. Maybe? Hoping… praying… never forgetting! We're Better Together *

Playing with Sissy

Mamae comforting baby after a procedure.

Yucky grass

Crib in Mamae's room

Serious case of bedhead at the supermarket.

I love books!

Sleeping so good. Mamae usually took me out of my crib while I slept just so she could kiss me some more.

Getting immunizations

Clearly upset as we skype :(